party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I just blew my weed a kiss
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
