The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
