Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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