What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
