she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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