Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
