Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
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