Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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