Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
