I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
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