so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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