Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
