You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
