i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
