Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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