Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
