Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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