I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
