Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
