I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize