mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
