i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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