She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
