you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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