Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
