Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
