Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
