Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
