Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
