normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
