This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Acid is not a monday night drug
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
