if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
