I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
