Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
