I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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