I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
