Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
