i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
is it fun? or sober?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
