Your mouth is God's brothel.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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