i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
vagina is talking i cant
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
