What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
