Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
