we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
