My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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