I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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