I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
