his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
