Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize