Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
