we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize