so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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