East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
