I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
