i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
