It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
