Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
