:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
