Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
high people should be assigned attendants
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
