i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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