all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
