Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
