I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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