Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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