my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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