How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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