tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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