hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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