I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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