i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
