He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
